Ask Naruto!
by bluechaser
Summary: Send in letters to any Naruto character and they will answer them.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, I would be rich.

Anyways, here comes the newest craze

It's email time! Inspired by a fanfic by "determined"

Send in Letters to the naruto characters. You can send to ANY character on the series excluding filler ones. (uggh..filler)

They will be replyed and this fanfic is for humor purposes only. So don't take it too seriously. Um..yeeaahhh..

Click da purple "go" button and wheeeee


	2. Chapter 2

Forgot to mention in the last chapter, it's best if the letters are in the "letter" format like this:

Dear Enter name here,

Blah blah blah

From/yours truely/sincerely,

Enter name here

(nervous laugh) Anyways...

--------------------------------

From: AnimeSnowflake.

Okay I got a few questions for these characters. Hinata, what makes you like  
Naruto so dang much? Seriously, you have a great personality, but don't you  
think you should get to know some of the other boys? Also, Naruto, why did you  
start liking ramen so much? It's a great food, but I'm curious as to why you  
chose ramen as your all time favorite food. Well, those are the only questions I  
have for now. I look forward to your replies. Bye!

Dear AnimeSnowflake,

Hinata: Well actually, I WAS ganna go with Sasuke but Sakura has a chainsaw so yeeaahhhh. chainsaws are evil I tell you! EVIL! Plus, Naruto has a pet fox kyuubi. And foxes are awesome! My sister's a fox!

Naruto: (glare) Okay Hinata. That's enough...(sniff) And I thought you liked me for my hair...Okay Animesnowflake, ramen created human life. If it wern't for ramen, we won't be in this planet at all! Worship the all mighty Japanese spaghetti!

Bye bye!

Love,

Naruto and Hinata.

---------------------------------

Dear Sai,

I love you. Will you marry me?

From,supersexyninjajunjun

Dear person with a long username,

Do you have a CEONSORED? If so, then sure

Love,

Sai

---------------------------------

Dear Itachi:  
If you had to pick someone other than Sasuke to kill who would it be? Are you  
sure the only reason you wanted to kill your clan was to test your new  
shaningan(sp)? Are there any yaois you absolutely can't stand and please don't  
say all of them. I think those are all the questions I'm going to ask for now.  
from, Itachiuchiha17

Dear Itachi..Hmm..name sounds familiar...

I'd have to go with Tobi. he stole my nail polish (sobsob)

No, I killed my clan for other reasons...

(flashback)

Itachi: Mommy! Can I get a playstation 2 pleaseeeeee?

Mikoto: No dear, we don't have the money to right now.

Itachi: Awwww...

(long pause)

Itachi: Hey! I got a great idea! I wonder how much death insurence money I'll get if my whole clan died! Hmm...

(that night, Itachi went to work)

Itachi: Kill kill kill...money money money...(throws kunais and stuff)

Sasuke: Um...nii san?

Itachi: Huh? Oh hi lil bro! Hm...you're only 7 arn't you? Dang it! I forgot the new rule of konoha, 7 year olds don't get insurence money yet. Oh well, no sense kill you then...(moves on)

(the next day)

Itachi: (at future shop) WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE OUT OF PLAYSTATION 2's??????????

manager: I'm sorry but the last one was bought by that new gang "akatsuki"

Itachi: really? then I guess I'll have to go join them to play eh?

(end of flashback)

Did that answer your question?

Okay anyhoo, What the chibi neji is a "yaoi"?

Love,

Itachi

----------------------------

From: n00b-masta2112

Dear Deidara,  
Are you gay? Please say no because I LOVE your hair!

Dear N00b-masta2112,

No of course i'm not gay! The only Akatsuki gay ones here are Ita--(gets shot)

I like my hair too. (dreamy sigh) Oh herbal essence...

Love,

Deidara

------------------------

send in more letters!!! bibi


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own...your soul...(insert scary music here)

-------------------------------

Dear Yondaime Hokage,

You and Naruto look similar in appearance. Are you two somehow related?

Love,  
leafninja345435

Dear Leafninja345435

That my friend, shall be revielled in Naruto hurrican chronicals season 3 part 1 episode 94 jap sub manga chapter 743 commercial 7 for ps2 and wii.

Love,

Yondaime

------------------------------

Dear Itachi,  
a yaoi is boy on boy action so let me ask you if there is any one guy would love  
to be paired with and one guy you would just hate to be paired with? Neji I'm  
glad you saw the light after Naruto beat you in the Chuunin exam. Do you feel  
better because of the experience? Last but not least Sasuke why did you go with  
Orochimaru? Some say you went because your gay. Are you?  
The more accepted reason is because you wanted to become stronger than Itachi  
without killing your "best friend". In that case do you know that Itachi is  
stronger that Orochimaru?

Thanks for answering my questions the best you can  
ItachiUchiha17

Dear Itachi,

Okay, my uchihaness did NOT need to hear that. (insert shocked expression here) I Itachi don't like anyone. period. And I hate every single couple. especially itasasu. I mean come one! that's freakin' incest!!!!!! INCEST I TELL YOU! INCEST!!!!

Kisame: calm down Itachi sama.

Itachi: INCEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Neji: Light? Ohhh...you mean when Tenten shined a lazer to my head to get the neighbour's cat to kill me for calling tenten, Twenty? Yes, I feel much much better after that raibi shot.

Sasuke: Itachi's stronger than Orochimaru?

oro: No that's not true!!!!! I was just going easy on him!!! Don't listen to it sasuke NUUUU!!!

Sasuke: (packs up) In that case, I'll just have to go see my uncle.

Love,

Everyone

-------------------------------

dear gaara  
do u ever get bad hair when u sleep and do u have ur teddy?  
From: iluvgaara101

Dear Iluvgaara101,

No, my hair's always this hott. And of course I don't have a teddy! (shifty eyes)

Love,

Gaara

---------------------------------

Dear..Everyone...  
Sasuke, what's with the avenger act? Sometimes you're more annoying than NARUTO,  
for pie's sake! Naruto, if ramen created human life, then what created ramen?  
o.0 And..Itachi, what do you use on your hair? It's prettyful!

From: He-Didn't-Betray-Us

Dear Long username,

(chibi voice) It's not an act! I AM an avenger! (sniff sniff) I am I am I am!!!! Quit teasing me! it's not nice to bully!!! (sniffle)

Naruto: The ranem's parent of course!

Itachi: herbal essence. Oh, and water, it's what all the profeesionals drink! (flips hair)

Love,

everyone

--------------------------------

Dear Kiba,

What person do you hate being paired up with in fanfics? Who du you like being  
paired up with? Also will you go out with me?

Love,

Kiba's Kunoichi

Dear Kiba's Kunoichi,

I.Hate.Shino. He gave akamaru fleas!!!! Oh, and Hinaat's pretty cool, 'cept she likes baka naruto! Ughh...

I'll check my list to do.

List:

-Wake up

-eat kibbles-n-bits

-sleep

-walk akamaru

-kill shino

-chase the neighbour's cat fluffy face.

Okay, I guess I'm free after 9.

Love,

Kiba

-------------------------------

Dear Sasuke

Why must you make your hair look like a chicken butt? It honestly confuses  
me...are chicken/peacocks/cocatoos your favorite animal or something? And how  
much hair gel do you use?

From,  
Feareth the Kitty

Dear Feareth the Kitty,

A chicken's butt? (shocked expression) I'm not even ganna TRY to answer that one!

No, my favorite animals are those who kill weasles. (glares at Itachi in other room)

I don't use hair jel. I use honey instead. It works better. Try it sometimes!

Love,

Sasuke

---------------------------------

Dear Kiba,

Akamaru is just so cute! ...Can I have him?

From,  
Feareth the Kitty

Dear feareth the Kitty,

Well...I kinda need him to kill shino for me. How does a shadow clone sound?

Kiba: Akamaru! Shadow clone now!

Akamaru: Woof?????

Kiba: Oh right, I still need to teach him it. Doh!

Love,

Kiba

----------------------------------

From Spunkii Bum :  
I got a few questions umm, Sasuke, are you really emo? o.o  
haha ... long pause kakashi...would you marry me? o.o  
sincerily,  
Sasha.-

Dear Sasha,

EMO??? EMOOOO??? I am NOT emo I tell you!! NOT EMO!!! That incident with the razor was just an attempt to kill Itachi!

Kakashi: So you cut yourself?

Sasuke: Well...Um...I was doing a summoning jutsu and needed blood!

kakashi: So you slit your wrist and listened to linkin park? (A/N: I have nothing against linkin park)

Sasuke: Um...Replacement jutsu!!!! (puff)

kakashi: (sigh) Anyhoo, once I'm done with Anko

Love,

kakashi and Sasuke

-------------------------------

Dear Lee,

Have you ever had a crush on anyone besides Sakura? And do you currently have a  
girlfriend? I think you are a great guy with a great personality, so I don't see  
how you couldn't have a girlfriend.  
AnimeSnowflake

Dear Animesnowflake,

Not really. gai sensei told me that virginity is something that you shouldn't give to just ANY girl!

Nope, I don't

Why youthfully thank you! Youthful friend!

Love,

lee

----------------------------

Dear...,  
Sasuke how much gel do you have to use to get your hair to look like a bird's  
butt? Hinata how come you don't try to go out with Sasuke and quit crushing on  
Naruto? Sai, are you gay, don't say no because if you were'nt then you wouldn't  
talk about Naruto's penis so much? One last thing, Itachi-kun will you marry  
me:P  
itachifanchick

Dear Itachifanchick,

It does not look like a bird's butt!!! And I use honey not hair jel. (as said in the previous letters)

Hinata: because if I did, Ino and Sakura will kill me. And sakura with a chainsaw isn't fun at all!

Sai: proudly yes!

Everyone else: (backs far far away from sai)

Itachi: If I do, can I kill you please? (puppy face)

Love,

Everyone

------------------------

And there you have it! A lil note when sending in letters is to make sure you put "from: your name here" after the end of the letter. It makes things go easier this way Now review!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Pickles and cheese!!

Note: only 1 character per letter please. if you want to send letters to more than 1 character, please send more than 1 letter.

----------------------------

Dear Deidara-Kun, Sasuke and Orochimaru,

Deidara - I know you're evil and everything, but will you marry me? Please?

Sasuke - You're hot and everything, but why is Itachi the hot one in your  
family?

Orochimaru - Are you and Michael Jackson related? Or did you both just go to the  
same plastic Surgeon?

From SaintRhianna

Dear SaintRhianna,

Deidara: Hmm...My left hand says sure but my right hand says hell no. Hmm...eeney meeny miney moe...un

Sasuke: (gasp) Excuse me??? What do you mean Itachi's the hot one? I'm hot too you know!!!

Naruto: Pfft...yeah, that cockatoo hair of yours is soo "hot"

Sasuke: (death glare) Do you want to be set on fire? No, then I suggest you slowly back away

Orochimaru: Micheal Jackson? (shifty eyes) Noooo...of course we're not related!

Micheal jackson: orochimaru! Why havn't you cleaned your cave yet?

orochimaru: (sniff) Sorry daddy...

Love,

Sasuke, Orochimaru and Deidara.

--------------------------------

Dear minna-san,

Sasuke-kun: Admit it, deep down you really like Naruto-kun; you cherish him like  
a loud, annoying, bratty little brother, don't you? XD

Sakura-chan: If for some bizzarre reason Sasuke-kun fell off the face of the  
planet, who would be your second choice for a boyfriend?

Orochimaru: Why are you such a creepy b, anyway? The whole snake-thing is  
really cool and stuff, but you'd be a lot more original if you weren't evil. :P  
I mean, a HEROIC snake-summoning hottie would be interesting, know what I mean?

Guy-sensei:P What's with the whole 'youth' thing? You find your first gray  
hair or something? XD Gomen, I love ya, I really do...(and don't bother ragging  
me about MY gray hairs, I've had 'em since I was 9. Oo')

Akamaru-kun: My dogs, Miles and Wyatt, say that if you ever decide to take  
students, they'd love to learn a few jutsu from you. Miles is particularly  
interested in something that would help him catch more rabbits, and Wyatt loves  
the idea of turning into a 'human' the way you did during the chunin exams.

Last but assuredly not least:

Lee-kun: You are, bar none, the cutest boy I have ever seen. Well, apart from my  
darling Cro-sama. Oo' Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I admire your dedication  
and I hope you win your beloved's heart.

From,Diinya-chan

Dear Diinya-chan,

Sasuke: No.Freakin'.Way. Period

Sakura: I'd have to go with sasuke kun's other shadow clone. Mr. sassy chan jr.

Orochimaru: Evil? What honestly makes you think I'm evil?

kabuto: You killed ninjas for an experament, you betrayed konoha and tryed to destroy it, you kidnapped sasuke, and showed signes of pedophilic acts, you---

orochimaru: Oh go screw a helmet!!!!!! (sniff)

Gai: Because youth is youthful and youthfulness is youth showing youthfulness in this youthful youth time when youth is very youthfuly indeed youthful youth.

Akamaru: Woof woof woof?? woooffff...arf arf bow wow rrrrr...grrr..woof!!!! woof woof woof!!! woof?? WOOF?????WOOFFFFF??????

Lee: Youthfully sankyou!!! (thank you in narutard language)

Love,

Minna

---------------------------

Dear everybody...

Kiba, i really think you're so hot and cute . Would u go on a date with me?  
Please?  
Naruto, do you know that Hinata LOVES YOU?!?  
Everybody, would you come visit me to my place? I have a lot of goodies  
(including ramen!)

Luv and kisses!!  
Elly

Dear Elly,

Kiba: My my! I'm flattered! I hope you like kibbles-n-bits

Naruto: H..Hinata l..loves moi?? (shocked) Hey hinata!

Hinata: Y..yes naruto kun?

Naruto: Do you love me?

Hinata: N...naruto k..kun...I...I...I..I...I...(long pause) I...L..love...I...naruto...k..kun..I.I..I...(faints)

Naruto: Oh great, now I have to take her to the hospital...(sigh)

Sakura: Goodies? Sweet! chaaaaa I'll so go over!!

Ino: Not if I get there first!

Sasuke: there better be linkin park music..(pause) You...didn't hear anything...

naruto: Ramennnnnn...(faints)

Sasuke: I'm not taking you to the hospital...(backs away)

Love: Everyone

--------------------------

Dear Lee,

Well, I plan to kill you, but I'm having problems desiding on how, so I thought  
I'd let you choose! Would your  
A) Like to have your brains pulled out through your noes by a hook  
B) Be gabed by a million pointy things  
C) Have your heart riped out through your throught or  
D) Be bommarded by millons of exploding muffins of nucular proportions?  
Oh, and Sakura, when will you get a life and stop with your obsestion over emo  
kid sasuke?

yours truely,

Isia

Dear Isia,

(watery eyes) B..But killing me isn't youthful at all!

(sniff) I'd have to choose D. Muffins are youthful and my friend...

sakura: When pigs fly!

Ino: (up in the sky) Hey sakura! look! Tsunade taught me the " Ino aka piggy girl flying in the sky no jutsu!"

Sakura: Um...I refuse to answer your question...

love,

Lee and sakura

--------------------------

Dear Itachi,  
I'm sorry for hurting your ears. I was trying to prove a point to a friend.  
Anyway are you afraid of becoming blind from your mangekyou sharingan(sp)?  
Naruto why do you like Sakura when she clearly likes Sasuke and is too stupid to  
realize how awesome you are? Please don't tell me she's pretty (or anything that  
means the same thing) because you're too awesome to be shallow. Neji, my friend  
(the same one that made me hurt Itachi's ears) believes you look like a girl and  
the best way to fix that would be by cutting your hair. I told her she was crazy  
what do you think? Hinata when are you going to show the world that your an evil  
genius? And Sasuke you didn't tell me if you were gay or not. But oh well your  
just going to deny it anyway.

love,  
ItachiUchiha17

Dear Itachi,

Ohh...the super awesome better than you sharingan? Yeeaaanooo...The answer is no. I don't get blind. (pause) Now where did I put that seeing eye dog? Hmmm..

Naruto: because if I love sakura and sakura loves sasuke, then sasuke loves me! it's a love triangle!

Neji: A GIRL??????? I neji-ji-ji-ji hyuuuuuuuuga, superior of all, ruler of your soul, better than you genious, elite hyuuuuuuga does NOT and I repeat NOT look like a girl. Why? Cause I'm a hyuuuuu (2 hours later) uuuuuuuuuu (5 hours later) uuuuuuuu GA!

Hinata: E...evil genious? I...I'm not...I'm just shy that's all..y..yeah...shy...

Sasuke: I'm not gay. Why? cause I'm an uchiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (gets shot by neji)

Neji: hey! get your own catch phrases you copy cat!!!!!

Sasuke: (sniff) Fine...loser

Love,

Everyone (but mostly the Hyuuuuuuuuuga)

(A/N: neji's ganna kill me later..I just know it!)

--------------------------

Dear following-following-ninja-who's-names-are-mentioned-in-following-letter...  
Orochimaru:I know I'm gonna regret this but I have to ask, do you like Kabuto  
cause it's praticly your main pairing... and everyone believes your gay soo...  
yeah.  
Sasuke: you listen to linkin park(GO LINKIN PARK V) and cut your wrist? I htink  
your an emo... and you cant deny it... ok that was more of a stare than a  
question but so?( And I'm no emo... though I did atempt it but I'm scared of  
sharp objects...)  
Orochimaru(bastard): whay did you leave the akatsuki's?($100 on it's cause  
Itachi kicked your ass v)  
Sakura: is ther any chance of you ever liking Naruto... casue don't think we  
didn't notice your blush in the first hurricane chronicles ep when you re-met  
naruto... up to the point were he wrecked it with his new pervy jutsusigh  
morron.  
Naruto:Eh... ramen don't have parents...  
So there you go... I wanted to do one for Itachi cause he's so cool but I can't  
think of anything so... anyway that's it for now... /v\  
From: From: Hao is hot

Dear Hao is hot,

Orochimaru: Yeeeenooo...ha! You thought I was gay didn't you? Ha!

Sasuke: I'm not emo!! I'm just not too happy that's all!

Orochimaru: Itachi sooo didn't beat me! I left cause I was getting eaten by evil red pickles!!! (cough) In Itachi's tsukiyomi of course...(cough)

Sakura: Blushing??? no I wasn't blushing!!!! It was my seasonal allergies!!!

Naruto: (turns kyuubi) Excuse me???

Love,

Everyone

----------------------------

Dear Neji,

I'd like to think i'm strong. Will you fight me? Kiba, if you go on vaation  
without Akamaru, can i look after him?! Lee, I'm sad now. Will you cheer me up?  
Sasuke, just what type of hooney do you use exactly? Is it a certain brand?  
naruto, why are you so cute?!

sincerely,

Akunei

Dear Akunei,

Finally! A letter to the hyuuuuuu (get your popcorn folks!) uuuuuuuuuuuuu (50 bucks on him doing this for 40 hours) uuuuuuuuuuu (39 hours later) uuuuuuga! (dang, lost the bet!)

Are you a Hyuuuuuuuuu (not again!)

ATTENTION: the evil spirit shot neji for wasting 50 hours of precious lifetime.

Kiba: Sure, make sure you feed him kibbles-n-bits

sasuke: The super awesome stickey honey bee brand special. get yours at walmart for only 69.99!

Naruto: Cause I'm the uke! Guess the seme

Love,

Everyone

----------------------

From:neko oni

Dear Neji-kun  
Will you marrie me?PLEASE!

Dear Neko Oni,

Are you a Hyuuuuuuu (I thought he was shot!) uuuuuuuuuuuuu (that's it, grab the rifle) uuuuuuga!

(runs like hell)

Love,

neji Hyuuuuuuu

(BANG!)

X.X

-------------------------

Dear Everyone,  
Naruto... what do you think of Sasuke? Besides him being your rival/enemy? Do  
you deep down really care about Sasuke?  
Sasuke. WHY MUST YOU KILL ITACHI?! I MEAN, COME ON! HE'S YOUR FREAKIN' BROTHER!  
Oh well... He did make you all emo and stuff, so I guess you have a reason...  
But still. You're brothers. You should love each other.  
Sakura. STAY AWAY FROM SASUKE. He belongs to my friend. Why do you try to win  
Sasuke's heart? You must know by now he doesn't love any of those fan girls he  
has. There's more of a chance he'll end up with Naruto than with you.  
Itachi. You belong to me. I own you. And there's nothing you can do about it. xD  
Orochimaru. YOU ARE THE MOST AWESOMEST SNAKE EVER! Can I hug you? xD  
Kakashi. Do you really have a mangekyou sharingan too? That is so awesome if you  
do. I love you.  
Iruka. What's with the scar on your nose?  
Temari. Do you like Shikamaru? Come on, we all know you do. :D  
Kisame. WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A FREAKIN' FISH?! I mean, honestly. Who goes around  
looking like a shark? What the hell are you anyway? No offence. I still think  
you're pretty cool.  
Itachi(again). I like your hair. Can I have it?  
Love always,  
Sesshoumaru's Sweetheart.

Dear Sesshomaru's Sweetheart,

Naruto: He IS the seme----oops...

Sasuke: Sesshomaru and Inuyasha doesn't! (sniff) and they got to go to family therapy!!! Plus, Itachi ate my clan..yes, ATE.

Sakura: What if I have...a chainsaw!

Itachi: (no response what so ever)

Orochimaru: only if you give me a little boy! Daddy needs it.

kakashi: Of course I do!!!! (cue the star wars music!) Sasuke, I am your father...dum dum dum

Iruka: I got it during one of my emo phases...back then, people used to cut on the nose instead of wrist.

Temari: Sure why not? meh...

Kisame: My mom's at seaworld, my dad's turned into sushi, and my nemo's my freakin' uncle!!! And don't get me strated on jaws.

Itachi: Does it look like I'm ganna not kill you?

Love,

Everyone

--------------------------------

Dear Everyone,

Sakura and Ino, why are you two so obesesive with Sasuke? Why not give other  
guys a chance? -coughlee&shikacough- Kisame, are you and Itachi best friends?  
And Gaara? blush May at least have one date with you?

Love, kuro no tsubasa  
P.S. For Kiba-kun, Shino hates bug repellent. Try that on him!

Dear Kuro no Tsubasa,

Because he has...(dramatic pause)...virginity!!!! (nod nod)

Kisame: Yes we are! he's the only one that didn't laugh at me back in kindergarden for accedently eating my cousin in sushi...

Gaara: Only if we get to build sandcastles together! wheeeee

Love,

Everyone

---------------------------

Dear multiple Naruto characters,  
Hinata, why don't you try to get more confidence and ask Naruto out? At least  
Sakura won't kill you with a chainsaw.

Sasuke, seriously, why the heck are you emo? This avenger act isn't fooling  
me...or a lot of people for that matter.

Naruto, why don't you take your eyes off of Sakura for a minute and notice  
Hinata?

Ino, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO USELESS?!!??!??!!?!??!?

Sincerely,  
--KBB

Dear KBB,

Hinata: But everytime I do that, I faint...and the doctors give me a raibi shot...ughhh

Sasuke: I'm not emo!! And I AM an avenger!!!! I have to avenge my tomatoe plushie...(sniff) Itachi ate it along with the clan...(sniffle)

naruto: Hinata? Who the heck is Hinata?

Ino: I'm not completly useless. I can still take out the garbage every tuesday!

Love,

Everyone

-------------------------

Thanks for reviewing everyone!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Woot! 5th chapter already! woooot

Note (again): Please send one letter to ONE charactere only since the "characters" get con-fuzzled after a while and starts eating MY waffles! (stares at naruto)

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Dear Naruto,

OH! Ramen has parents? O.O That's creepy. OH!OH! What are their names:0

-he-didn't-betray-us

Dear He-didn't-betray-us,

Of course ramen has parents! Where do you think the baby ramen came from? Humans?? Pfft

The dad's called stur fry and the mom's pork chops

Love,

Naruto

----------------------------------

Dear Itachi,  
How did you get so smexy?  
Kakashi,  
If someone burned all your Icha Icha books to a crisp, like this... burns his books what would you do?  
P.S. You're the god of awesomeness!  
Kabuto,  
How do you eat an oreo?  
- Love, Art!

Dear Art,

Itachi: Well after I joined akatsuki, Kisame introduced me to Maybelline!

Kakashi: OMG!!!! My children!!! Why the heck did you do that for????? (state of shock) NUUUU!! I can't survive without them!!! (goes emo)

P.S. You're evil! (cuts self)

kabuto: I use my super duper medical ninjutsu skills to summon all my chakra to my hand. Next, I use my hand to cling to the nearest Kunai. After that, I summon mr.poppy. Then, I use my awesome hottness to paralize poppy and then borrow Orochimaru sama's nude pictures. Then, I show them to poor poppy. After that, I threaten poppy to bring me the oreo from my Kabu-desk. I let poppy go. Next, I use my chakra filled hand to slowly break a peice from the oreo. I use to kunai like a fork on the peice of broken oreo. Then, I summon poppy jr to take away the remaining crumbs. I eat the Kunai with the peice of oreo on it still by bring it to my mouth. I chew. Repeat the previous step. Repeat. Repeat. And swollow. Then I use the puke up the Kunai jutsu to bring back the kunai. I realize that it was orochimaru sama's pedophile kunai and immediatly head to the emergincy room. I wait till Orochimaru sama finds out that I has slobbered on the Kunai. I get killed. The end!

Love,

Everyone

------------------------------------

Dear Naruto people

Orochimaru- Is it true that you hide under little boys beds and rape them in their sleep?

Sasuke- Why do you suck? Is it because your an emo prick?

Kankuro- Why do you play with dolls?

Itachi- Why didn't you kill your brother when you killed the rest of your clan? It would have made people a lot happier.

Sakura- Why don't you give up on Sasuke and go after someone who doesn't look like he's got a birds behind on the back of his head?

Shino- Your bugs are cool, why do you spike your hair like that?

Neji- I LOVE your hair, will you go out with me:)

from

X-X-N.H.Y.C.I.S.H-X-X

P.S. Neji you are WAY better than Sasu'gay'

P.S.2. I HATE YOU SASUKE!

Dear Person with long Initials,

Orochimaru: Only the hott little boys hehe

Sasuke: I'm not emo! Quit calling me emo!!! It hurts my feelings!!! Great, now I have to cut myself again! (sniff)

Kankuro: Uhhhh...ask Gaara (shifty eyes)

Itachi: Because if I did, orochimaru would stalk ME! Plus, I need him to restore my clan. (thinks about the fangirl incident) (snicker) heh heh

Sakura: Because he's rich. That's all...I mean come one! Think of the death insurence money he must have got from his clan!!!!!

Shino: yes, my bugs are very very very very very very cool! I spike my hair to look very very very very very very very cool

Neji: Thanks, I like my hair too. And...I'm ganna have to check the wheel of destiny to see if I can go out with you.

Love,

Everyone

PS. Of course! Cause I'm a Hyuuuuuuuuuuuuu (oh great not again) uuuuuuuuuuuuuga!

PPS. Yeah well my inner emo self hates you too!!!

-------------------------------

dear everyone,  
Hinata:why don't you ask sasuke out,i mean just beacuse sakura has a chainsaw dosen't mean you can't win. i mean you have byakugan.  
Sakura:why do you like sasuke? i mean naruto actually likes you,so why not give him a chance.  
Sasuke:how do you like more? Sakura,ino,or Hinata.  
Shikamaru:Do you like ino?  
Ino:Do you like Shikamaru?  
Gaara:have you ever like a girl, that accepted you for how you are?  
Kakashi:when did you stared to reading does pervet books?  
Tenten: do you like Neji?  
Gai: when did you sarted saying about Youth?  
Neji: do you actually bealive in destiny? i mean you can always change destiny into what you want it to be.

-girl falcona

Dear Girl falcona,

Hinata: Hmm...the byakugan huh? (thinks about perverted thoughts) (smirk)

Sakura: But naruto's not rich. Plus, he doesn't lack waffle crisps...And sasuke does!

Sasuke: Hinata, Cause she's related to neji. (dreamy look) Mmm...neji...(pause) O.O oops...

Shikamaru: No, I like my plushie whom I named Temari

Ino: No. cause bill board brow doesn't like him.

Gaara: Does ones that I "accedently" killed count?

kakashi: Ever since I got my sharingan. And that was a loooong time ago!

Tenten: (blush) yes...don't tell sasuke

Gai: Ever since kakashi got his sharingan

Neji: Of course I believe in destiny!!! destiny is what created Human life!!!!

naruto: No! ramen did!

Neji: (grone) (poke)

Naruto: X.X

Love,

Everyone

-----------------------------------

Dear Shikamaru...

I admire you awesome laziness skillz...but seriously, how do you get away with it! TEach me! unless it's too troublesome

-holds up rifle-

still too troublesome?

From

Feareth the Kitty

Dear Feareth the Kitty,

Thanks, I admire my self too...I get away with it easily! But it's wayyy too troublesome to teach yo--- (sees rifle) O.O Okay, I just blame everything on the next idiot that walks up to me...happy? Now put the rifle down before I called the shika fanclub...(slowly backs away)

Love,

Shikamaru

---------------------

Dear Tenten

What do you and Neji actually do when you 'train'? God, I'm getting nasty images here...

From

Feareth the Kitty

Dear Feareth the Kitty,

(holds up stolen make out paradise) (flips to page 34) (smirk)

Love,

Tenten

PS. Yes, there are such things as funny genes. (holds up bottle labled funny genes)

-------------------------------

Dear Sasuke,  
Why do you think people call you an emo all of the time? It can't be because of you liking 'Linkin Park' music. I love their songs, and no one thinks I'm an emo! Also, who, besides Itachi, do you want to kill more than anybody else?

-Anime snowflake

Dear Animesnowflake,

O.O I'm actually not sure! I mean, it's not like anyone took that "cut my wrists in episode 3" scean seriously!

Here's my "too-kill" list

-Itachi

-Itachi's inner self

-Itachi's alter ego

-Itachi's shadow clone

-Itachi's graduation photo

-Itachi's other alter ego

-Itachi's pet plushie

-Itachi's clan...(pause) oh..oops..never mind

-Itachi's shadow

-Itachi's fingerprint he left when he stole my where's waldo book!

Got the idea?

Love,

Sasuke

-----------------

Dear these Naruto people here,

Gaara- Me and my friends have been questioning this: Why don't you have eyebrows? We have come up with all kinds of theories, but I want the truth!

Also... I love you.

Shikimaru- Who would you like to go out with, Ino or Temari?

Choji- Have you ever considered going on a diet?

Sicerely,

Aseryth

Dear Aseryth,

Gaara: Temari used it for her grade 3 science project: "how the freak's eyebrows are purple"

Shikamaru: Temari for sure! Besides, Ino likes sasuke who likes Nej---er...Naruto. '' (sweatdrop)

Choji: Have you ever consitered going to Mc donalds?

Love,

Everyone

---------------------------

Dear Naruto,  
What can you say about Hentai and other sexual forms of anime in the media?

-mouse1992

Dear Mouse1992,

Well if it's with me and Sakura, go for it! If it's with me and anyone else, then ewwww..(especially when sasuke dumped me for neji) (sniff) Okay, I think I'm going emo now...please leave a message after the beep. (beep)

Love,

naruto

------------------

Dear Gaara,  
Of course we can build sandcastles together!! So that is a yes right? Please say yes. I love u and ur teddybear.  
Love, Kuro no Tsubasa

Dear Kuro no Tsubasa,

Yayyyy!!! Finally, someone who wants to build sandcastles with me and not be afraid of getting killed by my bloodthristy evil dark sand! So yes. My teddy says hi. Oh, and if I accedently happen to accedently kill you, Please forgive me'' It happend a lot these days.

Love,

Gaara and teddy and sand.

-------------------------

Dear Naruto, please tell me why you are so slow at understanding some things? It hurts me and a lot of other people to see you made to look like the fool all the time. And on top of that you are one of the most awesome characters on the show (it is your show but somtimes the the main character isn't all that great for example Inuyasha) Could you please please show me how to do the rasengan? I have three years worth of ramen if you do. Lastly, do you think that after the orignal three sannin are gone that you, Sakura, and Sasgay will fill their positions?

-ItachiUchiha17

Dear Itachi

Naruto: No, I'm not slow. I just have memory loss...Okay what were you talking about again? (blink) Oh right, the rasengan. Just grab a scoop of blueberry icecream on your hand. (careful, it's cold) Next, chuck it at someone. Oh the frostbites! Muhahaha Okay, where's my ramen! Anyhoo, of course my sakura and neji lover will fill in their spots

Love,

Naruto

--------------------------

Dear Kiba...

It's me again...Elly  
Well...i wanted to ask if you like strawberries with creme??  
Because...when you come to my house i have a big suprise for you including strawberries!! Hope u like it/

Luv and kisses  
Elly

Dear Elly,

Sure. I love strawberries and cream Especially the ones with dog kibble in em! Yum yum

Ohhh what's the suprise!!!! Is it another doggie? Akamaru's getting retired next month

Love,

Kiba

---------------------------

Deidara- I LOVE YOU  
Kisame- Do you know you have blue skin?  
Shino- Your hot  
kiba- your hot to  
Shikamaru-your also hot

-shino is mine

Dear Shino is mine,

Deidara: I LOVE MYSELF TOO! un

Kisame: Do you know I'm a goldfish?

shino: My bugs says thank you

kiba: My dog says thank you

Shika: My shadow says thank you

Love,

Everyone

---------------------------

Okie There you have it! Please review!

Oh, new feature, you may roleplay as a certain Naruto character if you want. Don't have to be yourself. Example:

Dear Naruto,

Hi

From Sakura

---------

Hehe,I just wanna try it out...it might be fun


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Zetsu is a super mario plant

I felt bored so I updated this one.

------------------------

this is to ino : Hey Ino, I Have a question, If you had to pick between Shikamaru and kiba to date, like who would it be??

-kibaino01luver

Dear KibaIno01luver,

I'd have to go with Kiba. I mean come on! Shika's so lazy! I was talking to him on MSN the other day and he fell asleep on the keyboard! I had to MSN nudge him to get him awake.

Love,

Ino

-----------------------

dear tsunade  
ILOVE YOU  
-orochimaru

Dear Orochimaru,

Give us back our water supply and I'll consiter about not killing you.

Hate,

Tsunade

-----------------------

I have a few questions  
Sakura: (In A demonic voice) STOP BEATING UP NARUTO, PLEASE! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ANYTHING? NARUTO WAS SPAT BEATEN RUINED AND BROKEN ONLY TO USE A MASK OF HAPPINESS, ALL BECAUSE OF THE KYUUBI NO KITSUNE IN HIM! DATE HIM AND GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER, OR YOU WILL GO TO THE FIREY BURNING PUTS OF HELLFIRE WHERE YOU BELONG(A FIREY HELL FIRE AURA SCARES ALL THE NARUTO CHARACTERS, EVEN THE EVIL ONES SHITLESS, WITH THE HELLFIRE FROM HUNCHBACK OF NOTREDAME OPERA CHOURUS SINGING THE HELLFIRE SONG!) ROWR! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Tsunade:(In a stragely sweet and exxtremely sexy voice) I don't care what anyone thinks, you're probably sexy even without that henge and your 50. Hug me(Hugs her so hard even her bones toughened up from her monstrous endurance that came with her strength start shattering to pieces, figuratively.)

-captain deoxys

Dear Captain,

Sakura: Hmm..what if I just kill him instead? That's "different" than beating him up right? RIGHT?

Tsunade: Really? Wow I'm flattered. And yeah...my bones are choking here so if you don't mind, slowly back away...for I have...a microwave! Muhaha

Love,

sakura and Tsunade

-----------------------------

Dear orochibabykins and deidara,

orochibabykins i love you would you marry me hands over her little brother

deidara you stole my hairstyle un!

Luv orochibabykins wife

Dear orochibabykins wife,

Oro: First of all...you're my...wife? O.O Wow, I'm more straight than I thought. And second of all...I don't have a little brothe---ZOMG sasuke!!!!!! (glomp) Okay, I'll marry you just for the sake of my pickle dr.evil

Deidara: Actually I copied it from Ino who stole your hairstyle un

Love,

oro and deidara

--------------------------

Dear Itachi,  
If you don't already know you are the smexiest Uchiha there is. So when are you going to kill Sasuke? He's pretty much unless now that he's gone with Orochimaru. Almost everyone likes Sai better even though he obsessed with Naruto's penis. Anyway is there anyone you'd like to date? Would you go out with me? I hate to be cliche but I just wanted to know.

-Itachiuchiha17

Dear Itachi,

Why yes I AM rather smexy. (flips hair)

Sasuke: What? No you're not!!!! My uncle can beat you in the smexy contest!!!

Itachi: (grabs a shotgun) This one's for you kid. (POW)

Sasuke: X.X

Anyhoo, who the weasle is Sai? Is that the kid that tryed to transfer his body to a hyuuga just to see my penis???

I don't "date"...Instead I kill...why? Cause I'm smexy that's why. Chaz.

If you'd like, we can go around Konoha and kill the remaining clans...cause it's fun. Chaz.

Love,

Itachi

---------------------------------

Dear Naruto-kun

You are seriously under-appreciated, you know that? If I was you, I would kick anyone who hurt me, emotianlly or physically unless it was supposed to be playful or in spars, really hard in the shin or, if it was a boy, I would kick him real hard in the groin and watch as he rolls on the ground in pure agony and then I would slowly castrate him and then heal him just to do it over again!

Oh, and please don't turn out to be gay! Please, please, PLEASE don't turn out to be gay! I beg you! And besides, the only couples I like, like THAT, are Kiba/Kankuro (Don't ask) and Gaa/You...but only if you area girl in that ff.

One more thing. I dare you to act bishie-like for my next three reveiws! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! And ASK HINATA OUT! You guys are like the most popular het pairing out there, you and Sasuke and Sakura but that's besides the point. Are you listining? BEcaus if you aren't, I have ways of making you talk...-Pulls out gun- You're going to do everything I say...right Naruto-kun?

Also, Kyuubi-sama, I FCKIN' LOVE YOU! (Not in /that/ way...) YOU HAVE /GOT/ TO BE /THE MOST/ AWESOME DEMON IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE'S HISTORY! I DON'T CARE IF YOU KILLED MANY PEOPLE! PLEASE, MAKE NARUTO BISHIE-LIKE FOR MY SANITY!

Love,

Mellie-chan

P.S. -Fingers gun- Don't answer stupidly Naruto--kun...  
P.P.S. KYUUBI YOU'RE AWESOMENESS IS LIKE, AWESOME!

Dear Mellie-chan,

Really? You would? (pause) Okay! i'll take your advice!

Naruto: (kicks kakashi) That's for not letting me read make out paradise! (kicks sakura) That's for killing me! (kicks itachi) That's for being yourself!!!!!! (kicks shadow clone) That's for uhh...being a shadow clone! yeah!

Anyhoo...I'm a...girl in that ff? SWEET! I now have a reason to live!(cough)

O.O uh...okay...yo hinata! can you get out? Okay thanks...

Sasuke and sakura?? O.O But I thought he liked Nej---(gets shot) nevermind...

Kyuubi: wow, I'm flattered (purrs) And sure I can make naruto a bishie...(ahem) Kyuubi style:Naru-bishie no jutsu!

Naruto: Liek Oh My god! Liek...lets go shoppin---

Kyuubi: oops...wrong jutsu...GRR! I ALWAYS get it mixed up with the prep no jutsu! ALWAYS!

Love,

Naruto

------------------------------

Dear Naruto Characters,

Deidara, where did you get your palm mouths from? and where do you get the clay supply from??

Itachi, How are you going to raise more for a Playstation 3?

Sasuke, why don't you like Sakura? and why do you like neji?

Naruto, the mysterious girl on the lake was Hinata. And why are you so blind as to not see that she loves you??

Kakashi, why do you really hide your lower face? and why does it take you longer to read a book than it takes Jiraiya to write the next one??

Kisame, if your a GOLDfish why are you BLUE? and why do you wrap your sword in bandages??

Hinata, what comes first, you get over Naruto, or you tell him how you feel? Why not now? why don't you get someone else to tell him for you if your that nervous?

-diffidentangel

Dear Diffidentangel,

Deidara: One word: walmart un

Itachi: I signed a contract to join the Hyuuga clan. Then it's death insurence time! Muhaha-(cough cough)-hahahaha

Sasuke: Because sakura is a (insert randomly chosen cuss word here after the beep. beep) And what honestly made you think I like neji? Is it the blackmail? Cause that's just Itachi getting me back for not having death insurence money a few years back! I swear!

Naruto: It was? But hinata doesn't have Boo---(gets shot randomly by mr.potatoe)

Kakashi: cause my face if just too beautiful for the unworthy world to see. Oh, and you see, ninjas don't attend regular school which means that no one tought me how to use a dictionary! (sniff) I had to go to the real world and copy the people! (sniffle)

Kisame: ever heard of hair dye? Well...ebay just got a great new product! Body dye! Great for fish! And stupid gai wounded poor samehada so I had to bandage it up

Hinata: ..Okay...I'll get someone to ask him out for me...(sees sasuke)

Sasuke: hey Hinata! can I ask you something?

Hinata: I wanna a..ask you something too...

Sasuke: Will you ask Neji kun out for me?

Hinata: Will you ask Naruto kun out for me?

Sasuke: O.O You...like Naruto?

Hinata: You...like...N..nej---(gets shot)

Sasuke: NO I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Everyone

--------------------------

Dear Gaara,

Hi teddy! aniways, i understand if u accidentaly kill me. (pauses) i'll just wait for u in heaven!! or maybe hell?

Love,  
kuro no tsubasa

Dear Kuro,

Teddy says he likes your hair...it's smooth...(drool) (cough) Anyhoo, sure, lets go to heaven!!! And if they reject me, I'll just kill them! wheee

Love,

gaara

-------------------------

Dear Sasuke(emo)Uchiha,

Itachi is way hotter than u. Is that the reason why u want to kill him?

Sincerely  
kuro no tsubasa

Dear Kuro,

First of all, my middle name isn't "emo" it's "racheal". And Itachi is soooo not hotter than moi! And for the last time, I wanted to kill him because he ate my clan and didn't share the death insurence money! (sniff) that greedy weasle!

Love,

Sasuke

---------------------

Dear Sasuke,

i heard u like me (pause) but i can't date u because ur not a hyu(2 housr later)uga!

From Neji

Dear Neji wedgy sama kunnnnn,

(blush) N..neji sama...I..kinda..well..I...(fidget fidget)

(gasp) You can't date me? But Neji kunnnnn!!!! (whine whine) I..I...really wanna be a hyuuga! But you see, my dead father won't let me! Can you please restore my clan Neji sama? Nejiiii kunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!! (tug tug) nejiiiiiii!!!!!! (puppy face)

Naruto: (from somewhere far away) heh heh, it's blackmail time!

Love,

Neji's sasUKE

(A/N: I don't support the sasuneji pairing. I'm just doing this because sasuke threatened me. please don't eat me.)

----------------------------------

Neji-kun (teary eyes) does that mean that you reject me?(sniffles)PLEASE DON'T REJECT ME WAHH!

Orochumaru.Would you please...GO BURN IN HELL!

Diedara-kun why did you join the akatsuki?

Oh and...ALMOND CRUSH POCKY FOR EVERYONE!but not neji if he rejects me (sniffles)But if he does not reject me then...GIANT ALMOND CRUSH POCKY FOR NEJI-KUN!!

-cat-oni

Dear Cat-oni,

Neji: Of course not!!! If there's one thing I've learned about that expernce with sasuke is that I need to be straight before something unprdictable happens!!!! I'd rather let you take my virginity than you know who...(shudder)

oro: Been there, done that. Hell was afriad of me so they rejected me. (sniff)

Deidara: They had free clay! the art department's clay cost twice as much so yeeaahhh. un

Neji: ZOMG! COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

everyone

------------------------------

Dear Naruto cast,  
What if I told you that I kill Narutards?

-mouse1992

Dear mouse1992,

Naruto: I'd yell believe it as always

Sakura: I'd love you till the end of the world

Lee: (sniff) Why sakura? WHYYYY

Sakura: Cause you stole gaara's eyebrows!

lee: It wasn't me! the was gai sensei! I swear!!!

Sasuke: Please kill the stupid narutards...but not the Neji narutard. For some unexplaned reason that you don't wanna know. trust me...

naruto: Does that mean you dumped me?

Sasuke: what? No! (pause) Oh wait...yes! Loser!

naruto: (sniff)

Neji: I'd ask you to marry me if you killed them. cause I don't wanna be yaoi! (sniff)

Love,

Naruto cast

------------------------------

Review! wheeeeeee


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Dattebayo!!

Dedicated to my dead hamster...(stupid cat)

---------------------

Dear Neji Hyuga,

Will you marry me? I am a Hyuuga! Seriously!

Love ya Neji!

Love  
Hyuuga Hime

Dear Hime,

You're a Hyuuuu (please someone shoot me) uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuga???

But wouldn't that be Hyuugacest? O.o''

Inner Neji: Nu uh! It's called family love!

Outer Neji: You're right!

Okay then. I will!

But if my fanboy (coughsasukecough) finds out, you're not ganna like it...(sigh)

Love,

Neji Hyuuuuuuu (a couple generations later) uuuuuga!

-----------------------

To Sakura:  
(Grabs her by the neck) NO, IF YOU KILL HER I WILL STRP YOU DOWN INTO NOTHINGNESS. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
To Orochimaru:  
Do you have yamato no orchi in you? Cause you obviously have his snake like traits, don't you?  
To Kyuubi(Sends godzilla through a portal)  
Kyuubi, Meet godzilla. Godzilla, Meet kyuubi.  
To tsunade:(Kisses her lips sexily) Now do you want to kill me?(Purrs into her neck) I have a 200 ton boulder to hit you with anyway, so don't try to resist my charms.

-captain

Dear Captain,

Sakura: NUUUU! Don't kill meeeeee! I have a chainsaw!!!!!!!! Fear garden tools!!!!!

Oro: No...I'm made up of 2 percent evil and 98 percent Micheal jackson.

Kyuubi: G..godzilla?

Godzilla: K..Kyuubi?

Kyuubi: Y...your scales! Your dashing good looks! You're...you're...beautiful!!!! (sniff)

Godzilla: And your um...fluffy stranged coloured orange tail!!! It's so fluffy!!!!

Kyuubi: Marry me!!!!

Godzilla: Yes! I will!!! I WILL!!!!! monster yaoi rules!!!!

Sasuke: (sniff) Wish that was me and Neji...(sniff)

Tsunade: Did you just kiss me? O.O Nobody kisses THEE tsunade sama and lives with his or her virginity to tell the tale!!!! (smirk)

Love,

Everyone

--------------------------------

Dear Itachi, We can go around killing other clans in Konoha and anywhere else but we can' t kill the Hyuuga clan. I have my special reasons for that. Its better that you don't ask. But what clan would you like to kill first? That's my only question. I'm ready when you are.

-Itachiuchiha17

Dear Itachi,

Why not the Hyuuga clan? (pause) (gasp) Are you my little brother in discuise??? Cause you know how he wants Neji alive! Ugghhh...bad yaoi pair...

Anyways, why don't we start with the Lollipop clan? No akatsuki member can take another second of their sugarey chunks of sugar flavoured sugarey sugar!

Love,

Itachi

--------------------------

To all Naruto pipol(sic),  
I just think all of you people need to own guns.

-mouse1992  
P.S: I'm an arms dealer...

Dear Mouse1992,

What in ramen land is "guns"? Is it that new flavour of ramen they sell at Ebay? Cause ramen's da best! Believ---(gets shot)

Okay...now that I finally got the freakin' computer, (ahem) No we don't need guns because we have shurikens. And shurikens are cooool. They spin! And uh...spin! Plus, kids shouldn't really handle guns since their dangerous...(pause) not that shurikens are any safer (sweatdrop) Well...time to go stalk sasuke kun again...(goes off)

Hey Mouse...Sakura's an idiot..she went to happy land to stalk me...ugghhh..happy land...anyhoo, guns arn't really invented in Konoha yet so yeeaaaahhh...but if it was...(day dreams about shooting Itachi's head off) heh heh heh...pop goes the weasle heh...

Love,

Naruto sakura and sasuke

--------------------------------

Dear whom-ever it may concern,

Do any of you like fanfiction stories? I'm specifically asking about stories where you are paired up with OCs(original characters). I think if any of you read those type of fanfics, you would either be wondering, "Are these people nuts?" or, "Man, I wish this character was real!"

I'm just curious about it.

Oh, and Sasuke, if you haven't read those type of fanfics, please read mine! I think you'll be surprised!

-animesnowflake

Dear Animesnowflake,

Yeah, I (naruto) read them all the time...(dreamy look) Naruramen...awesome pairing...I really wish that ramen boy was real...I'd date him...(pause) oops...did I say "him"? (cough)

And suprisingly Sasuke reads the oh so non-famous SasuNeji...I mean duuuude...like what's up with him and Neji? He practicly stalked him 4 times in the last 2 minutes!

Sasuke: No I didn't! He lied!!!!!

Sasuke: Fanfics? Hmm..okay...I'll read yours...(reads Universal adventures) Hehe...and Naruto STILL have that kunai with the bloody eyeball on it...(cept when sakura ate it) Heh...

Love,

Everyone

---------------------------------

Dear Kakashi,

pulls up his books Those weren't yours, Kakashi-sama! They were Neji's... I'd never make you sad! You're too awesome! Anyways, to my question! Can I build a 20 ft. tall statue of you and force to everyone worship it? (No, I do not have a crush on you! You're just awesome!)

P.S. Dun tell Neji about the books...

Gaara,

Can I hug you?? Please?? I'll give you cookies!

P.S. I feel so sorry for how everyone treated you in the past... Here take this! hands him a teddy

Kisame,

Didja know we have the same birthday?? We were both born on March 18th! Weird!

Shikamaru,  
Can you tutor me in math? I'll give you a Temari plushie in return! And can I cling to you?

Love you all!

-Art

Dear Art,

Kakashi: N..neji's a pervert??

Neji: NUUUUU! No I'm not!!!!

Sasuke: Yayyy! neji's yaoi!!! (cough) You didn't hear that...

kakashi: Anyways, sure you could make a statue of me. Make sure you make one of make out paradise too And don't worry...Neji doesn't know that you burned them

Neji: Huh? What'd you say?

Kakashi: I said...don't worry, wedji does no tat you worn sims...y..yeah...

Gaara: COOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Temari: There goes my sane life...(sigh)

Kisame: Wow...fishes can have Birthdays?

Shika: TEMARI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Temari: There goes my virginity..(sigh)

Love,

Everyone

-----------------------------------

Dear Kiba-kun and Naruto-kun

Kiba - if i told the suprise...i won't be a suprise anymore!! But... if i give you a new dog... can i have Akamaru? I'll send pics of him, of course!

Naruto - Did Hinata wake up from the faint after you asked her if she loved you? Will you replay to her feelings? If you say no... i will destroy all the ramen in the world in front of your eyes!! (MUAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAA!) EU JURO!! PERCEBESTE? É BOM QUE SIM!! (Yes...this is a threat in portuguese and english)

Luv both of u  
Kiss Elly

P.S. Yes... i will write in portuguese often ;)  
P.S.S. Gomen Naruto... but i really want you and Hinata to be together... Don't forget the THREAT!)

Dear Elly,

Kiba: Bwut...Akwamarwu's my Fwend! (sniff) Plus I need him for soup.

Naruto: Hinata's been at the vet ever since she passed out...and sure..(goes up to hinata) Hinata..I..love..y..you...you're hair! Yes! hair! So what did you use? Head and shoulders? ... Wow...portuguese! Lets see if I can understand them...you row, percents e boom sim...(long pause) Oh my god!!!! You're ganna kill the sims!!!! NUUU! Don't make them go boom! Baaaddd!!

Love,

Everyone

PS. Okay...I'll write in Ninjaese then...

PPS. Naruto: (sniff) Oh the poor sims...

-------------------------------

Dear Gaara,  
Why thank you Teddy and Gaara! -hugs you both- And don't worry about not getting into heaven, I know the guys at the gate.

Love, Kuro No Tsubasa

Dear Kuro No Tsubasa,

Teddy says he wants to glomp you with a strawberry...

The guys at the gate? Wow..how'd you--O.O Are you dead? (don't worry, teddy will still glomp you)

Love,

Gaara

--------------------------

Dear Lee,  
You're one of the coolest people but, why do you have such bad taste in fashion? With a little hair-gel, some jeans, and a designer shirt you would look way cooler than Sasu(emo)ke! Why don't you try it out?

Sincerly, Kuro No Tsubasa

Dear Kuro No Tsubasa,

Bad taste in fashion? B..but my spandex rules! With a capital P! er...R!

Hair jel eh? (thinks about sasuke) (then thinks about a cockatoo) Whoa!!!!

Hm...I guess birds are quite youthful...I'll have to run it by Gai sensei though

Love,

Lee

--------------------------------------

dear naruto charachters

hi sakura i (beep)ing hate u!  
even if u have chainsaw i can i kill you with me mind powers  
hahahahahahahahahahaah!  
(kills sakura with mind powers)

-Uzumaki Naruto

Dear Naruto,

N..Naruto! Why must you hate me???? All I did was kill puppies and steal money from old ladies...(sniffle)

(goes emo)

Love,

Sakura

---------------------------

Dear Naruto ppls,

Sasuke-You are so freakin AWESOME! You're the coolest character on there and are SO hotter than Itachi!

Itachi-...you...ate the clan? I thought it was Kisame's job to eat people, not you.

Naruto-Ramen is so awesome, you chose the right food:D

Orochimaru-Why don't you go after someone else instead, and leave Sasuke alone? He's too cool to be your next body.

From,  
Kaira-chan15

Dear Kaira-chan15,

Sasuke: Awwwww I'm so flattered!!! You're such a cutie like Neji And yes, score one for the cockatoo! Woot! Weasles are goin' down!!!!

Itachi: Yes I ate the clan. (sniff) It wasn't MY fault they were Uchihalicious! (yes, that IS a word) Anyways, Kisame eats goldfish food flakes...not people

Naruto: Believe it!!! Wayyyy better than tomatoes!!!! Or fish food

Orochimaru: B..B..Bwut...he's Uchihalicious! Even Itachi said so! (sniffles)

Love,

Everyone

----------------------

For Everyone

Ino- Have you ever thought about asking out any of the naruto people EXCEPT sasuke?

Sakura- Have you ever thought about dying your hair another color?

sasuke- Why are you so Emo ( and gay) ?

Naruto- WHY NOT ASK HINATA OUT!?!

hinata- Why are you so shy? how can you be THAT shy?

Shino- Can i borrow some bug spray:)

Kiba- Can i Pet your dog?

shikamaru- Two things : WILL YOU MARRY ME!?! and Can you go a day without saying the word troublesome!?

chouji- Where do you get all those chips?

neji- Have you ever thought of contacts?

tenten - Do you LOVE neji?

Rock lee- Can you go a day without saying the word youth?

Gaara- Did Rock lee steal your eyebrows?

Temari- Can i kill you?

Kankuro- THEIR NOT PUPPETS THERE D.O.L.L.S

Thats all xD

-shikaino01luver

Dear Shikaino01luver,

Ino: Hmmm...tryed his shadow clone 4 times...didn't really work out since they puff away so easily...(sigh)

Sakura: Is elephant a colour? (blinkeh)

Sasuke: I'm NOT emo!!!! I'm just very emotionaly disturbed because of that incident with the popcorn when I was little! Stupid Itachi...And I am NOT gay!!!!!!!! Now if you don't mind, I'm ganna go back stalking Neji kunnnn.

Naruto: Cause I like Sas---erm...RAMEN!!!!!!!!!

Hinata: I'm not shy, I'm just quietly plotting your intimite doom...oops did I say that out loud? O.O

Shino: Did you just s..say...b..bug spray? AHHHHHHHHHHHH (2 hours later) HHHHHHHHHHHH (faints)

Kiba: Woof? WOOF?? Arf arf arf!!!

Shika: (too troublesome to reply to latter)

Chouji: Your carpet

Neji: The main house won't let me! (sob sob)

Tenten: Yes...(gets killed mysteriously by an unknown flying shuriken labled "property of sasuke")

Rock lee: (gasp) What do you have against youth? (sniffle) Gai sensei!!!!!!! I wanna cookie!!!!

Gaara: No..Temari did

Temari: For stealing Gaara's eyebrows no, for being an idiot yes.

Kankuro: Actually...they're kitty cats''

Love,

Everyone

-------------------------------

Dear Shino,

Well cool we have the same last name anyways...umm...will you marry me?? I will bake you cookies ALL THE TIME ETERNAL COOKIES! And umm well your bugs aren't scary I like bugs as long as they don't bite and can I have a pair of your sunglasses? By the way your hairgel really good hahaha remember that one episode you ate the laughing poison and you couldn't stop laughing that was funny!!

-kotone aburame

Dear Kotone aburame,

First of all, are you my long lost sister from kenya? O.O just wondering...

Okay anyhoo, I think bugs are hott (giggle) Sunglasses? Yeah sure...I get mines from Bbay...Bug bay I use mustard instead of hairjel...and ohhhh yeah! The episode...(mumbling) stupid fillers...

Love,

Shino

--------------------------------

Dear all teams (especially Team 7):  
Hello. I need help on getting back at my nightmare brothers. They make my life a living hell! I NEED A PLAN! Anyway, I also need comebacks for when people call me short!...It's annoying! I SEE TALL PEOPLE EVERYDAY! Suggestions, please!

Thanks a lot!  
i-like-tempura

PS: Naruto rulz  
Sasuke's cool (Don't worry, I'm not a rabid fangirl, HONEST!)  
Kakashi... (no comment)  
And everyone else is cool and rulz!

Dear i-like-tempura,

Nightmare brothers? Hm...I'd try the good old poke them with a stike tactic...believe i---(gets shoved off the computer)

KILL THEM!!! Brothers are evil!! EVILLLL!!! Hold a kunai to their neck and scream "I wam an avwenga!!" Chibi talk

Kill them before they kill your cla---(gets shoved off)

Duuuude...(eye twitch) Anyways, you're short? SHORT?? Woot! Short people unite! Short people are ganna be hokage! Believe it! If you see tall people, then just uh..um...eat ramen! That'll cure ANYTHING!!!

Love,

Team 7 (well...not really sakura)

PS. Naruto: Why yes, I do rule ramen don't I?

Sasuke: KILL THEM!!!!!!!!!!

Kakashi: (grone) Stupid main characters...get all the attention...

----------------------------------

Dear Naruto and Sasuke  
Sasuke you're cute! You rule! Just smile once in a while!  
Naruto you're... dumb. Study harder! And listen!

From midnight  
PS: Naruto, i-like-tempura kidnapped all your ramen in exchange for everyone to come to her house.

Dear Midnight,

Sasuke: KILL THEM!!!

Naruto: Dude, we're in another letter reply...

Sasuke: We are? Oh..(ahem) sorry bout that...anyways...yes, I'm cute...I'm very cute...and I rule..arn't I modest? (not smiling)

Naruto: ...(sniff) That's it...just for that, I'm ganna go roll in ramen! chaz...er...believe it

Love,

Naruto and sasuke

PS. Oh god! The ramen! I need the ramen to roll in!! Nuuuuuuu

--------------------------

And there you have it! Remember to keep it at ONE character per letter as said before and to write "from (your name here)"


	8. Chapter 8

Holy moly on a popsickle!!!! I didn't upload for almost a year!!!! O.o duuude. (cough) Anyhoo, gomen for the long time no upload...blame youtube! and socks...yes..socks.

I got a lil off track of the chapters and stuff that hasn't replyed yet. So I'm..I mean...the "characters" are ganna reply to the most recent letters n' stuff. Okie? Oh, and if the same letter was replyed twice...then blame uh..neji. Hopefully, this will keep me on track...(sigh) I need a sock...

Disclaimer: Waka laka...

------------------------------------

Dear Neji,  
My friend thinks you are a Nazi in disguise. Please clear it up for me and her...

Dear Orochimaru-san,  
Pick another body. Please. Pretty please. Sasuke's gay and ugly... Or, hold on. Maybe that WAS the reason you've picked him... sigh, if so, I'm highly dissapointed in your taste --'

Dear Gaara,  
Listen I've been thinking about it for a while now. Since the Akatsuki removed Shukaku sobsob form you, does that mean you can sleep now? I'm starving to know...

Love,  
Dema

--------

Dear Dema,

Okay...lets get this straight here. (ahem) I.AM.NOT.A.NAZY! I am a god darn Hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuga. Got it? good.

Neji: psst..Hinata

Hinata: What?

Neji: What in l'oreal world in a nazy?

Hinata: (shrug) I dunno..beats me

Next!

Orochimaru: Awww...but he's rich! Plus, he's got da eviiillll pink eye of doom! And with that, maybe I can finally pass the god darn chuunin exams.

Sasuke: (gaspage) You baka! You only want me for my sharingan! (sniff sniff)

Orochimaru: Yeah...pretty much...(cough)and your body (cough)

NEXT! O.o''''

Gaara: ZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzZZZzzzz...

From,

Neji,. Oro, and Gaara

------------------------------------------

Dear Sasuke and Gaara  
Sasuke- Whats your type.? what do you look for in a girl?

Gaara- Would you go out with me? I know someone you can kill/torcher. She's a .

Love  
Mighty Dragon

--------

Dear Mighty Dragon,

Sasuke: Hmm...well, someone who can cook. And hates weasels. That's it..I guess

Sakura: REALLY? O.o

Sasuke: Oh yeah...and someone who's not pink haired or likes pink in any manner what so ever.

Ino: REALLY? O.o

Sasuke: (sigh) And someone who's not blonde...or has a ponytail...or wears purple. Or name starts with I and ends with O. That's all.

Gaara: ZZZZZzzzzZZZZZzzzzZZZZzzzzz...

From,

Sasuke and Gaara

----------------------------------

Dear Lee,  
Will you go out with me? Please? Oh, and will you tell Sasuke I think he's a prettyboy with no heart in any manner whatsoever?

Thanks!

Love,  
LeesLover7

-------------

Dear Leeslover7,

Oh my I'm flattered! And yes...and yes I will.

Lee: hey sassy!

Sasuke: (In curse mark form, eye activated) Yes? (glare)

Lee: O...O'' Um...nice hair? (runs)

From,

Lee

---------------------

Itachi-can you teach me to be an emotonless bastard?

ino-sasuke belongs to neji

neji-u belong to sasuke

hinata-can i help you plan out peoples infinate doom?

naruto-in exchange for ramen, will you marry hinata?

shikamaru-woot! you and temari are a good pair.

temari-feel sorry for you.

kiba-will you marry me? please? i will spoil akamaru and spoil you!

((0,0)) (Kisame)

BerryHinata

-------------

Dear BerryHinata,

Itachi: Yeah...go become hokage, run around the world 50 times, and kill your clan.

Ino: (Statement blocked due to obserd language censoring)...(and for your own health)

Neji: (Satement blocked due to the fact Neji fainted)...(out of LOVE)

Hinata: O.o Darn it! They found out about the plan! Run mr.bigglesworth RUN!

Naruto: ...eeney, meeny, miney, joe...catch a ninja by it's toe, if he dies then cut them to death and bloody murder!!!!!

Shikamaru: Damn straight

Temari: It's cause of the fan isn't it? (sobsob) I just knew it!!!

Kiba: ...

Kisame: Hahahaha! That's what my uncle looks like! lol

From,

Nearly everyone

-----------------------

Dear Sasuke,

I'm currently working on a special jutsu that will kill all of the fangirls, or maybe just get rid of them. Unfortunetly, they're kinda gathered outside of my home, threatening to break the doo-oh wait, they already did that. -locks door-  
Anyways, mind coming over and getting them away. I have cookies

-chibiness

------

Dear chibiness,

ZOMG fangirls!!!!!!! Quick! Grab the fangirl-be-goen spray TM version 2.7 beta and RUNNNN! I'm coming person!!!! To da uchiha-mobile!!! AWAYYYY (batman theme)

From,

Sasuke

--------------------------

Sasori: o you have a crush on someone on the cast? If so, who?

Gaara: Are you and Sasori related? Because you both look so much a like! I mean it!

Sasuke: How long have you had your crush on Sakura?

That is all I have for now! But warn you: I WILL BE BACK!

-Dark loney death

-----------------------

Dear death,

Sasori: ...No

Gaara: ...No

Sasuke: ...No

...um No

From,

Everyone

PS. Sasori loves deidara in a wrong way

Sasori: WHAT NO I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!

------------------------

Dear Gaara

With all the Fanfic Pairings what girl would you choose from that you like?(please dont you dare say your gay) and what do you think of your brother because ive read many fanfics and in each one he was gay do you think he is since he likes to play with dolls and puts make up on? Oh and one more thing do you like choclate chip cookies? Oh and one more thing (sounds like Jakie chans grand father lol)are you related to Ariel off of the little mermaid you both have red hair and green eyes so are you are you i mean do you think your parents adopted you and Temari and Kankuro isnt really your siblings

Sasuke DONT DENY THAT YOUR NOT EMO EVERYONE KNOWS YOU ARE

Naruto well um yah have you ever thought about going on a veggie ramen diet you know to eat healthy stuff with your ramen since you wont give it up

Kabuto are you related to Kakashi or something cuzz your eyes are the same color and hair and are you gay with Orochimaru or something since your always by his side in every episode ive seen

Kisame are you from Atlantas by anychance cuzz i think you might be related to that um octopus lady that i forgot her name but any way yah?

-blackkanji

--------------

Dear Blackkanji,

(makes the "I love only myself" speech)

And yes, I rather do like cookies...But I much prefer pocky..mmm..pocky...

No...we are not related...I am however related to the sandman. Don't ask...

(gets shoved off computer)

I AM NOT EMOOO!!! how many times do I have to tell you people thi----ohhhhh a razor! O.O (run towards razor)

Hey, Naruto here. And no, I shall never give up my precious ramen noodles! Because they are...your father...(star wars theme plays)

Kabuto: No...

Kisame: No...

(music still playing)

From, everyone

-------------------------

Shino, Mr 9+1 questions here. I have 10 questions for you

Number 1: Is it true you have no eyes?  
Number 2: What do you plan to contribute to the future of your anti-social clan?  
Number 3: What do you hide in your coat? Drugs? Candy? Icha Icha?  
Number 4: In the bikochuu filler episode, how does it feel to have a wannabe clan fighting you?  
Number 5: How can you wear that coat, do ninjaing and not get hot?  
Number 6: Did you secretly look at Hinata when she was training naked?  
Number 7: How does it feel to be the most underappreciated character?  
Number 8: Are you interested in making an anti-Mortein petition online?  
Number 9: A ficcer I know drools at the thought of you topless. Can I have your number so I can give it to her?  
Number 10: What would you do if Sakura got drunk and gave you a lapdance?

----------------

What's this? twenty questions or sometime? (sigh) anyways...

(ahem)

1.no, I simply hide them because they're too pretty for mortal eyes

2. I'm not. I'll simply kill them and go join pocky land. Because everyone loves pockies! encluding santa!

3. CONDOMS!

4. makes me wanna strip them down and hang them from a flagpole upsidedown! oh yeah, and shove condoms down their ears

5. Cause I'm already hott (wink wink)

6. pfft...who wouldn't?

7. Makes me wanna find santa and hand him upside down from a flagpole 2 metres away from what I did to the wanna-be clan.

8. ..a what? O.o''

9. 1800-bug-be-gone

10. one word my friend...flagpole...

From,

shino

---------------------------

Is it true ur stupid?

-skywind1010

------

yes. blame tomatoes.

------------------------

Dear Naruto and others,  
Sasuke: Please tell me why me why did you kill Orochimaru?  
Kisame: I heard you were the Physical Incarnation of the three tailed tailed demon, it does explain the gills, but is it true?  
Orochimaru: what is it like burning in hell now that Sasuke killed you? Also is Voldemort you brother, you have the same skin and nose.  
Naruto:I know that you like Sakura, so kiss her, just on the cheek or hand, to show you are her freind.  
Sakura: If you aren't careful sasuke might want to kill you too  
Itachi: Why did you not leave a girl alive girls are weak (Not counting Sakura), Sasuke is a BOY he is strong, even if his hair looks like a ducks !

--------

Sasuke: Because he tryed to molest me in my sleep.

Kisame: Nope, I'm made from a male fish, a female shark, and a busted comdom.

Oro: It feels kinda like jello. and yes, he is.

Naruto: (whimpers)

Sakura: (whimpers too)

Itachi: Because...mr.weasel, aka ruler of weasel world told me to. he also told me to take all the insurence money along with me. heh

From,

Everyone

-----------------------------

Dear Sakura,  
Why don't you like naruto more... hes just so much more cooler than sasuke, and is that hair died or is that ur natural color?

---------

Sakura: But...Naruto's not rich. Sasuke's got insurence money!

Itachi: Dude...did you NOT hear what I said in the last letter? I took all the freakin' insurence money!

Sakura: ...oh f(censored)k

and no, this isn't my natural hair colour. It turned pink when the bubblegum popped when I was 4.

From,

Sakura

-----------------------------

Dear Sasuke-san.  
I am dealing with a problem you would most likely not answer. I had decided to become a manga artist and my mom is somewhat supportive of it. So without my consent she bought me two books she thought would help for my birthday. The books are total crap.

They're on how to draw crappy cartoons. Like those weird nickleodeon cartoons. And I know there are manga insturuction books out there. I have proof. How do I tell her never ever to do that again, and to burn the books she got me without her flying into rage. And calling me ungrateful and all that I don't ant to put up with right now.

What a depressing birthday this is. I just might commit suicide just to make her birthday crappy.

ocean-view-luffy

-------------

Dear Ocean-view-luffy,

Oh my! That IS a tough problem... hmm..well, to start it all off,

Be a tomatoe farmer instead Why? Cause you get to eat all the tomatoes you want! And everyone loves tomatoes! If not, then how bout a riceball maker! or an avenger! I get payed 6 bucks an hour! (cough) anyhoo...yeah, those nickleodeon cartoons suck! Anime pwns all Try mangatutorials dot net. you even get to doodle on there for free! whoop-de-doo!

To burn the books, it's simple! do these hand signs..(does signs) horse...tiger...and then...KATON:GOUKA KYU NO JUT----(splash)

(cough) The heck happend?

Naruto: (holding a hose) Baka!! Are you trying to burn down your house???

Sasuke: But...

Naruto: (glare) Go to your room!

Sasuke: But I AM in my room!

Naruto: Then go to the backyard!

Sasuke: (sniff) yes naruto kun...(sniff)

From: Sasuke

PS.

Sasuke: The heck am I following Naruto's orders?? O.o'' ah screw it..oh yeah, and don't you dare commit suicide...or I'll kill you

------------------------------

Dear Shikamaru,

What would you do if someone beat you at shougi? Would the world end?

P.S.: What if that person was, say, a blonde ninja that you knew? (No offense to blondes sweatdrops)

------------

Shika: O.O NARUUUUUTO!!!!!!

Naruto: Huh? Oh...hi shik----(gets the crap beaten out of him) owww...X.X

Shika: Oh..when you said blond ninja...you DID mean Naruto right?...RIGHT?

-----------------------

Gaara,  
First of all, i want the Gaara fangirls reading this to please LEAVE HIM THE HELL ALONE. Gaara wouldn't go out with someone who just shouted "omg Gaara!" Every time they saw him on TV or w.e. clears throat now that that's out of the way...

Gaara, I'm going to be honest. I'm aware of how - no, isn't a good enough word for it... well, i'll just settle for it... your past was. And i seriously think you should stop for one minute and see what life's really about (NOT killing people). I mean, i can understand how you'd think that killing people is life, but it's not. not everyone has a purpose to live... you don't need a purpose to be here to live. the most you can do is just live life to the fullest... nobody gets out of life alive, anyways. and one more thing, i really think you need a friend, as cheesy as it sounds. you're probably gonna wanna talk to someone eventually, and when you do, you can call me up and we can go for chocolate mint moolattes (lol jk about the moolattes). I kind of understand how it is for you.

From,  
Datenshi Yamashita

P.S. I am NOt a fangirl. i'm 100 anti-fangirl... except for one, who happens to be m friend.

----------

Dear Datenshi Yamashita,

Fangirl: ..DOH' she's on to us!! RUNNN good people run!

Anyhoo...

Yeah...My past sucked...not only did I get sand in my eyes which was totally ironic, I SUCKED AT DDR BACK THEN! ohhhh the shame!!!! the shame!!!!!! ...Meh, at least I rock now. Heh...and I'm hott...chaz. (cough)

Mmmmm...chocolate...

Temari: Oh god...you do NOT wanna see gaara on chocolate.

Gaara: (twitch) Want...chocolate (twitch twitch)

Temari: (bangs head on fan)

From,

Gaara of the funk

(okay, that was an inside joke)

----------------------------------

Woot! Finally, after 3 hours! I've caught up most of the letters!!! yayyyyy Now then, when sending in letters, send to ONE CHARACTER PER LETTER. You do not know how confusing it is when the characters fight over for who gets to use the computer!!!! Oh yeah, and always write "From: your name here". Um..that's all...other than that, GO NUTS!


	9. Chapter 9

Okay, I know I haven't updated in like, months. It's cause my internet service went kaboom so I'm updating this in the library's computer. Also, instead of updating a blank page on to fanfic dot net and typing the story from there with the "edit/preview" thingy, I'm pre typing it on Microsoft word and then uploading it on to the website. So this might screw up. Darn spell checks…covering the page in red underlines! OHH! There's a cute lil talking paperclip near the bottom right corner! Hehe…this program rocks . Uhhh….yeah…now then, enough of my rants, on to the letter!

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.

-----------------------------------

Dear Sasuke: Since you have a lot of insurance money,Why don't you just buy some bombs and nuke Itachi?

From:The Ultimate Saiyan

Dear Ultimate saiyan,

Yeah I WISH we invented bombs.

Besides, I need the money to buy tomato flavored toothpaste. Tomatoes don't grow on trees ya know!

"Actually, they do"

"shut up nii-san"

From,

Sasuke

From: lafoodoo  
Naruto how exactly did your hair defy gravity?!  
I WANNA LEARNN :O

Dear Lafoodoo,

MY hair defies gravity? Dude….you should check out kakashi's.

From,

Naruto

dear Sasuke  
I've learned to live with the fact that the books are here to stay.

And, on another note... thanks for answering my question. I dunno why people are talking so negitivaly about you!You're so sweet!

P.S  
I'm going to be a fan girl slayer as a side job. But I need to be employed first

Dear you,

Books? Oh, you mean naru-chan's p0rn collection? Yeah…

Sweet? Are you sure? Cause last time I checked, I was salty with a bit of sour. You know, the tomato kind of sour.

From,

Sasuke

Dear Sasuke  
i hate pink it's so ugly i love black. on and a Q. do you like anyone? please tell me i sware i won't tell anyone i sware on all the ghosts that come and see me

Dear person,

Yeah, pink reminds me of bubblegum…and bubblegum's evil. And not the good kind of evil like you see in star wars, the EVIL kind of EVIL.

And if I told you who I liked, wouldn't it count as posting my love confession on the world wide web?

"…no"

"shut up nii-san"

"don't you love that neji kid?"

"Says you!"

This conversation ends NOW!

From,

Sasuke

Dear Shikamaru  
If you're so smart, answer these questions!  
1) What came first, the egg or the chicken?  
2) And if a tree falls down in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?  
3) And!! What's the sound of one hand clapping?!  
If you get the answer these questions correctly you get a prize! -coughTEMARIcough-  
Sincerly,  
Kuro No Tsubasa

Dear Kuro no Tsubasa,

1. Egg, because you wrote "chicken" 3 words after it.

2. No, orochimaru's ninjas made the sound (village). Trees only make acorns and useless crap.

3. The same sound as a bucket of albino chicken being dumped on a radio active abyss of forever fruit cakes.

Okay, now where's my temari!

From,

Shikamaru.

To Naruto: -smirks- I feel so bad for you. Your pretty much everyone's . All that was sacrasm. But this last part isn't. Your a dip(BLEEP)

To Sasuke: EMO! No... Your a closet yaoi lover... FREAK!

To Hinata: -smiles- Your so cute. You just make me want to kill every guy on Naruto for some reason. Especially Neji and Kabuto.

To Neji: Go die in a ditch with that large forehead of yours.

To Kabuto: -veins pop- I want to kill you for groping Hinata-hime.

To Orochimaru: HAHAHAHA! FAKEASS MICHAEL JACKSON LOSER!

To Kakashi: Your scarier then Oro-teme.

To Itachi: CAN I BE AKATSUKI WOOF!

AND! To neko-youkai-mimi: What do you prefer? Fish Or chocolate?

BYE BYE WOOF!

From: Mahou Inu Alex

Dear Mahou Inu alex,

Naruto: What in ramen world is a bleep?

Sasuke: NOT EMO! Just emotionally deprived! And I prefer incest over yaoi! Sheesh.

Hinata: T..thanks……(blushy)

Neji: (gaspage) Oh no you didn't! (snap snap) No body disses this perfectly proportioned forhead of mine!

Kabuto: I wasn't groping, I was touching….there's a difference between the 2 words!

Orochimaru: I'm more like voldemort than MJ!

Kakashi: shhhhuuuuunnnn the non-believer! Shuuuunnnnn!

Itachi: Only if you paint my nails…cause Kisame sucks at that!

Neko (me! Yay) : ZOMG I got a question? SWEET! I feel so alive!!!!! (glomp) And I prefer chocolate…..cause it's not blue.

Kisame: HEY! (Vein pop)

From,

A lot of people

Dear everyone,

Who do you think are the worst Naruto couples? (can be gay)  
I personally think that the worst is Itasasu.

Dear Kiba,

Akamaru is SO CUTE! U should enter him in a dog show or something!

Dear Hinata,

What do you think about all the stuff on fan fiction and youtube about you and neji? I think its really wierd considering you guys are cousins --.

Nauto, I saved up money money to buy you ramen so here gives a huge (swimming pool size) bowl of ramen.

Thats all for now!

From Mudstripe

Dear Mudstrip,

Naruto: SasuXramen.

Sasuke: NaruXtomato

Sakura: SasuXanyone that's not me.

Hinata: Hyuugacest….(curls up)

Kisame: Me..and nemo…

Kiba: I know eh? And it's all thanks to catnip.

Hinata: (still curled up)

Naruto: O.M.G. I effing LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

"mmmm…ramen"

(gasp) "No sassy! SasuXramen BAD! Sit! SIT!"

From,

Everyone

Dear Kyuubi,

Still my favorite demon EVER...ahem. How is Uchiha Madera (and now Sasuke's) chakra eviller than yours? It makes no sense whatsoever. You're the freakin' ruler of HELL for crying out loud! Argh! Oh, and, how many times have you yelled at the people that Naruto was currently talking to for being complete idiots, being annoying, or just because, even though they couldn't hear you?

Things for Annoying People that You Hate (TAPYH) is your gift, even though you can probably do anything if you want to, which includes annoying the brains outta anyone.

YOU F-ING ROCK,

Mellie11

P.S. Say hi to Naruto for me!

Dear Mellie11,

Awww, I'm flattered! And god knows why madara's eviler then mines! I mean, I'm a foxy grandpa! (That was something off of spongebob that I couldn't resiste using)

Anyhoo, yeah, I pretty much invented hell…and hired satan to do my laundry every saturaday.

And yeah. Annoying's fun. Like pudding.

From,

Kyuubi

Dear Itachi, What do like on tacos?  
Dear Kisame, that looks like your uncle?  
Dear Kakashi, Have you ever seen a hairstylest in your life?  
From iwantataco

ps.Tobi: Tobi murders plywood

Dear you,

Itachi: my clan.

Kisame: You mean uncle jaws? Yeah, pretty much

Kakashi: No, they weren't invented back then

From,

Itakisakaka.

PS. (gaspage) TOBI!

Dear Itachi; hi  
Dear Kisame;what the heck...how'd you get your skin to be blue?  
Dear Deidara;in about 20 years, you'll have a three year kid...do you want to know who the mommey is?  
Dear Sasori;meh sis wants you to answer the phone...she wants to talk to Itachi.  
Dear Zetsu; will you be a chibi?  
Dear Tobi;Yousa is a good boy...what's under the mask?  
Dear Leader; Your awsome...can i have your autograph? XD  
Dear Gaara; my friend wants to talk to you, but she's too shy...her name's Amy Rose...she needs a friend.  
Dear Kankuro; you suck. but i like your hat.  
Dear Temari; I won't give Gaara chocolate if you go watch clouds with me and Shikamaru...(if he goes)  
Dear Hinata; i challenge you to eat more cookies than me!  
Dear Shino; pats head I feel sorry for you...my cousin likes you...  
Dear Kiba; Hey, Kiba...Can you help me train my dog? She's being mean to my sis...on the other hand...  
Dear sasuke; where'd you get your hair done?  
Dear Sakura; no comment  
Dear Naruto; NO! Not my father!  
Dear Shikamaru; sorry this letter's long...hey, do ya wanna go  
cloud watching with me and Temari? (if she goes?)  
Dear Ino; do you know my plan...the plan to get Shikamaru and Temari together...do ya?  
Dear Choji; you should try salt and vinegar chips...they taste better.  
I'm sorry that this letter's so long, but me and my friends had lots of quistions...and my sis says oro is gay...sorry oro.  
With love from,  
Gaaraxocfan

Dear gaaraxocfan,

Itachi: …bye!…..now we're even

Kisame: Lethal injection.

Deidara: Oh gawd, please don't tell me my hands were making out again!

Sasori: Tell her she owes me a cookie.

Zetsu: O.o'' Um?

Tobi: under the mask is….another mask!!!!

"Hey! That's MY line!"

"shut up kakashi!"

Leader: …

Gaara: isn't she the one that helped me build that sandcastle last Tuesday?

Kankuro: I don't suck…vacuums suck.

Temari: My fan says to not go unless you gimmi a cookie.

Hinata: what's with this letter and cookies?

Shino: me too.

Kiba: Nah, akamaru might get fleas

Sasuke: at the daycare center when I was 4

Sakura: …

Naruto: Um…ramen?

Shikamaru: Only if you give temari a cookie.

Ino: do you know my plan to steal temari's cookie?

Chouji: those make my butt look skinny. And that's scary

Oro: (sigh) Nobody loves me….

From,

Everyone

dear hinata-chan,

i like you too wanna go out sometime?

naruto

p.s im gonna drag you to my secret underground chamber AND RAPE U UNTIL YOU GIMME AN ANSWER!1oneoneoneone

Dear N..n…na…ru…naru….n…na…..(faints)

N..naru…n…na…na

(2 hours fall from ceiling) CONGRATULATIONS! HINATA JUST SAID NARUTO'S NAME COMPLETELY! Without fainting!!!!oneoneone! sadly, the 2 hours expirary date on this letter has ran out and we had to stop this letter here.

Dear Neji Hyuuuuuuuuuuuu(Oh, sweet mother of god, here we go again)uga,

Do you like herbal tea?? If so, what is your favourite kind?

Yours Truly,

Art

Dear Art,

I, neji h—(gets shot)

Hinata: NO! NO! W..we're NOT going through this again!!! If you s..say hyuuga one.more.time. I'll EAT YOUR CLAN!

By the way, he likes hyuuga flavoured hyuuga brand hyuuga tea. Imaging if he said it! The 2 hour expirary date's bound to run out!

From,

Hinata answering neji's letter.

------------------------------

Okay, I've spent nearly 3 hours in the library and will be answering the remaining 3 letters afterwards. Remember, ONE character per letter!!!! Or else I'll eat your clan! Anyhoo, that paperclip is still starring at me! I think it's a stalker O.o'' See ya next time, on 'ask naruto!" yayyyyy!!!!!!111oneone

Ja ne!


End file.
